13 JunGrandparents

No Comments »

Grandparents:

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under
the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d
done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and
started to leave, the little one said, “But Gramma, you
forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!” I will probably never
put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper
good-bye….

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy
Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.
My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,
“Did you start at 1?”

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother
changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to
wash her hair.. As she heard the children getting more and
more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she
threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the
room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
“Who was THAT?”

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what
her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside
on a pond I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a
tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild
raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to
know you sooner!”

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
“Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I
mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we
alike?”
“You’re both old,” he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her
grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was
writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

7. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her
colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out
something and ask what color it was.. She would tell me and
was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At
last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think
you should try to figure out some of these, yourself!”

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,
we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from
attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa.
Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly
replied, “I’m not sure.”
“Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised, “mine says
I’m 4 to 6.”

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her
grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to
make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little
surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting,” she said,
“how do you make babies?”
“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add
‘es’.”

11. Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a
public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote:
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The
teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t
you know what pregnant means?” she asked.
“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means
carrying a child.”

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to
their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child.
“No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close..”They use
the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.
“Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want
her, we just go get her.. Then, when we’re done having her
visit, we take her back to the airport.”

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good
good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart
as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you
hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST
GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE.
IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!

No virus found in this incoming message.

Category(s): Humor, Miscellaneous

04 DecFw: Survey

No Comments »

After  reading this, go to the US Geological Survey article  indicated at the

bottom of the page for confirmation..

Here’s an interesting read

Also if I may add, about 6 months ago I was watching a news program on oil and one of the Forbes Bros. was the guest. This is out of context, but this is the actual question as asked. The host said to Forbes, “I am going to ask you a direct question and I would like a direct answer, how much oil does the U.S. have in the ground.” Forbes did not miss a beat, he said, “more than all the Middle East put together.” Please read below.

The U. S. Geological Service issued a report in April (’08) that only scientists and oil men knew was coming, but man was it big.  It was a revised report (hadn’t been updated since ‘95) on how much oil was in this area of the western 2/3 of North Dakota ;  western South Dakota ; and extreme eastern Montana …. check THIS out:

The Bakken is the largest domestic oil discovery since Alaska ’s Prudhoe Bay , and has the potential to eliminate all American dependence on foreign oil. The Energy Information Administration (EIA) estimates it at 503 billion barrels. Even if just 10% of the oil is recoverable… at $107 a barrel, we’re looking at a resource base worth more than $5.3 trillion.

‘When I first briefed legislators on this, you could practically see their jaws hit the floor. They had no idea..’ says Terry Johnson, the Montana Legislature’s financial analyst.

‘This sizable find is now the highest-producing onshore oil field found in the past 56 years’ reports, The Pittsburgh Post Gazette.  It’s a formation known as the Williston Basin , but is more commonly referred to as the ‘Bakken.’  And it stretches from Northern Montana, through North Dakota and into Canada .  For years, U. S. oil exploration has been considered a dead end.  Even the ‘Big Oil’ companies gave up searching for major oil wells decades ago.  However, a recent technological breakthrough has opened up the Bakken’s massive reserves…. and we now have access of up to 500 billion barrels.  And because this is light, sweet oil, those billions of barrels will cost Americans just $16 PER BARREL!

That’s enough crude to fully fuel the American economy for 2041 years straight.

2. And if THAT didn’t throw you on the floor, then this next one should – because it’s from TWO YEARS AGO!

U. S. Oil Discovery- Largest Reserve in the World!
Stansberry Report Online – 4/20/2006

Hidden 1,000 feet beneath the surface of the Rocky Mountains lies the largest untapped oil reserve in the world. It is more than 2 TRILLION barrels.  On August 8, 2005 President Bush mandated its extraction. In three and a half years of high oil prices none has been extracted. With this motherload of oil why are we still fighting over off-shore drilling?

They reported this stunning news:  We have more oil inside our borders, than all the other proven reserves on earth. Here are the official estimates:

- 8-times as much oil as Saudi Arabia
- 18-times as much oil as Iraq
- 21-times as much oil as Kuwait
- 22-times as much oil as Iran
- 500-times as much oil as Yemen
- and it’s all right here in the Western United States .

HOW can this BE? HOW can we NOT BE extracting this? Because the environmentalists and others have blocked all efforts to help America become independent of foreign oil! Again, we are letting a small group of people dictate our lives and our economy…..WHY?

James Bartis, lead researcher with the study says we’ve got more oil in this very compact area than the entire Middle East -more than 2 TRILLION barrels untapped.  That’s more than all the proven oil reserves of crude oil in the world today, reports The Denver Post.

Don’t think ‘OPEC’ will drop its price – even with this find?  Think again!  It’s all about the competitive marketplace, – it has to. Think OPEC just might be funding the environmentalists?
Got your attention/ire up yet?  Hope so!  Now, while you’re thinking about it . and hopefully P.O’d, do this:

3. Pass this along.   If you don’t take a little time to do this, then you should stifle yourself the next time you want to complain about gas prices— because by doing NOTHING, you’ve forfeited your right to complain
——–
Now I just wonder what would happen in this country if every one of you sent this to every one in your address book.
By the way…this is all true. Check it out at the link below!!!
GOOGLE it or follow this link.  It will blow your mind.
http://www.usgs.gov/newsroom/article.asp?ID=1911

Category(s): Chain Letters, Political

04 DecFw: Simple Tactics to Fight or Avoid Swine Flu

No Comments »
SIMPLE TACTICS TO FIGHT OR AVOID SWINE FLU

Prevent Swine Flu – Good Advice

Dr. Vinay Goyal is an MBBS,DRM,DNB (Intensivist and Thyroid specialist)

The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global
epidemic of this nature, it’s almost impossible to avoid coming into
contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.

While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1
infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):

1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).

2. “Hands-off-the-face” approach. Resist all temptations to touch any
part of face (unless you want to eat, bathe or slap).

3. *Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don’t
trust salt). *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/
nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling
prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same
effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don’t
underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.


4. Similar to 3 above, *clean your nostrils at least once every day with
warm salt water. *Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti
(very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but *blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.*

5. *Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C
(Amla and other citrus fruits). *If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.

6. *Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. *Drinking
warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse
direction.  They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.

I suggest you pass this on to your entire e-list. You never know 20 who
might pay attention to it – and STAY ALIVE because of it.
Windows 7: It helps you do more.
Category(s): Miscellaneous

04 DecFW: Blondes again

No Comments »

>
> A
>
> blonde and her husband are lying in
>
> bed
> Listening to the next door neighbor’s
>
> dog.
> It has been in the backyard barking for
>
> hours and hours.
> The blonde jumps up out of
>
> bed and says,
> “I’ve had enough of
>
> this”.
> She goes downstairs.
>
> The blonde
>
> finally comes back up to bed
> And her husband
>
> says “The dog is still barking,
> What have you
>
> been doing?”
>
> The blonde says,
> “I put
>
> the dog in our backyard,
> let’s see how THEY
>
> like it!
>
>  ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Two
>
> Blondes With Hammers…
>
> Lynn and Judy were
>
> doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity
>
> House.   Lynn was nailing down house siding,
>
> would reach into her nail Pouch, pull out a nail and
>
> either toss it over her shoulder or nail it
>
> in.
>
> Judy, figuring this was worth looking into,
>
> asked, ‘Why are you
> Throwing those nails away?’
>
> Lynn explained, ‘When I pull a nail out of my pouch,
>
> about half of Them have the head on the wrong end and
>
> I throw them away.’ Judy got completely upset and
>
> yelled, ‘You moron! Those nails aren’t
> Defective!
>
> They’re for the other side of the
>
> house!’
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Did
>
> you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a
>
> drive-in movie?
>
> They had gone to see ‘Closed
>
> for the
>
> Winter.’
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> You
>
> might have to think twice about this one.
>
> A
>
> blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night
>
> with the tip Of her index finger shot off. ‘How did
>
> this happen?’ the emergency Room doctor asked
>
> her.
>
> ‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’
>
> the blonde replied.
>
> ‘What?’ sputtered the
>
> doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting Off
>
> your finger?’
>
> ‘No, Silly’ the blonde said.
>
> ‘First I put the gun to my chest, and
> Then I
>
> thought, ‘I just paid $6, 000.00 for these
>
> implants…
>
> I’m not shooting myself in the
>
> chest.’
>
> ‘So then?’ asked the
>
> doctor.
>
> ‘Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I
>
> thought, ‘I just paid $3,000.00 To get my teeth
>
> straightened I’m not shooting myself in the
>
> mouth.’
>
> ‘So then?’
>
> ‘Then I put the gun
>
> to my ear, and I thought: ‘This is going to make a
>
> Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before
>
> I pulled the
>
> Trigger.
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> A
>
> blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in
>
> a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with
>
> dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop.
>
> The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
>
> Decided to have some fun… He told her to go home and
>
> blow into the Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents
>
> would pop out.
>
> So, the blonde went home, got
>
> down on her hands and knees and started Blowing into
>
> her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
>
> Harder, and still nothing happened.
>
> Her blonde
>
> roommate saw her and asked, ‘What are you doing?’ The
>
> first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed
>
> her to blow into the Tail pipe in order to get all the
>
> dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and
>
> said, ‘Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows
>
> first.’
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
> These
>
> are just too cute not to pass
>
> on!!!!
>
>
>
> A
>
> blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny
>
> silver Thermos.  She was quite fascinated by it,
>
> so she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask
>
> what it was.
>
> The clerk said, ‘Why, that’s a
>
> thermos….. It keeps hot things hot, And cold things
>
> cold.’
>
> ‘Wow, said the blonde, ‘that’s
>
> amazing….I’m going to buy it!’ So she Bought the
>
> thermos and took it to work the next day.
>
> Her
>
> boss saw it on her desk. ‘What’s that,’ he
>
> asked?
>
> ‘Why, that’s a thermos….. It keeps hot
>
> things hot and cold things Cold,’ she
>
> replied..
>
> Her boss inquired, ‘What do you have
>
> in it?’
>
> The blond replied……’Two popsicles
>
> and some coffee.’
>
> +++++++++++++
>
> AND LAST
>
> BUT NOT LEAST
>
> A blonde goes into work one
>
> morning crying her eyes out.
>
> Her boss asked
>
> sympathetically, ‘What’s the matter?’
>
> The
>
> blonde replies, ‘Early this morning I got a phone call
>
> saying that My mother had passed away.’
>
> The
>
> boss, feeling sorry for her, says, ‘Why don’t you go
>
> home for the Day? Take the day off to relax and
>
> rest.’
>
> ‘Thanks, but I’d be better off here. I
>
> need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance
>
> of doing that here.’
>
> The boss agrees and allows
>
> the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass
>
> and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks
>
> out from his office and sees the blonde crying
>
> hysterically…
>
> ‘What’s so bad now? Are you
>
> gonna be okay?’ he asks.
>
> ‘No!’ exclaims the
>
> blonde. ‘I just received a horrible call from my
>
> sister. Her mother died, too!’
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Blondes
>
> Are The Best!!!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Category(s): Humor

04 DecFW: Letter from Jesus about Christmas

No Comments »
This is a terrific read.  Someone has done a good job with this email, and I imagine the credit should go to the man who signed it!

Letter from Jesus about Christmas –

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.
How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don’t care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn’t allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn If all My followers did that there wouldn’t be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 – 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don’t have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don’t you write and tell him that you’ll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up… It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can’t afford and they don’t need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6.. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless?  Since you don’t know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren’t allowed to wish you a “Merry Christmas” that doesn’t keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn’t make so much money on that day they’d close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary– especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here’s a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no “Christmas” tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don’t know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian.. Don’t do things in secret that you wouldn’t do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don’t forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I’ll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I’ll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember :
I LOVE YOU,

JESUS
Category(s): Religious/Spritual

04 DecFW: E-mail of the year

No Comments »
Date: Thursday, December 3, 2009, 9:59 PM

>WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
> “My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.
> Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
> This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.


> Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
> The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
> Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT’ll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
> The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
> Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .
> In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home .. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Mess with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
> 
> Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China
> 
> I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mezamies.
> 
> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

> A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

> Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put ‘em? Yep, border security.

> Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty – starting now.

> We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, ‘darn tootin.’

> Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won’t forget.

> To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
> God bless America . Thank you and good night.“

> If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
> (Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let’s get this to every USA computer!)

=

Category(s): Political

04 DecFW: The Husband Store

No Comments »
Date: Wednesday, December 2, 2009, 12:14 PM

— On Mon, 11/30/09

Subject: FW: FW: The Husband Store
Date: Monday, November 30, 2009, 10:49 AM


Sent: Monday, November 30, 2009 10:05 AM

Subject: FW: FW: The Husband Store

Pretty funny


This electronic message may contain information that is confidential or legally privileged. It is intended only for the use of the individual(s) and entity named as recipients in the message. If you are not an intended recipient of this message, please notify the sender immediately and delete the material from any computer. Do not deliver, distribute, or copy this message, and do not disclose its contents or take any action in reliance on the information it contains. Thank you.

Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks , ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She gets to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store…

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a new Wife Store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

–

 
________________________________________
PeoplePC Online
A better way to Internet
http://www.peoplepc.com
Category(s): Humor

04 DecA Different Christmas Poem ?

No Comments »

May we always remember them…

A Different Christmas Poem

soldier

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,? I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight. ? My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,? My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.? Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,? Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,? Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve. ? My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,? Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.? In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,? So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,? But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.. ? Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know, Then the? sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.? My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,? And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,? A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight. ? A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,? Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.? Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,? Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

“What are you doing?” I asked without fear,? ”Come in this moment, it’s freezing out here! ? Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,? You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!”? For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,? Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire’s light? Then he sighed and he said “Its really all right, ? I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night.”? ”It’s my duty to stand at the front of the line,? That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,? I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me. ? My Gramps died at ‘Pearl on a day in December,”? Then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”? My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘Nam’,? And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I’ve not seen my own son in more than a while,? But my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile. ? Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,? The red, white, and blue… an American flag.? I can live through the cold and the being alone,? Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,? I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat. ? I can carry the weight of killing another,? Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..? Who stand at the front against any and all,? To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall..”

“  So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright,? Your family is waiting and I’ll be all right.”? ”But isn’t there something I can do, at the least,? ”Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?? It seems all too little for all that you’ve done, ? For being away from your wife and your son.”

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,? ”Just tell us you love us, and never forget. ? To fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone,? To stand your own watch, no matter how long.? For when we come home, either standing or dead,? To know you remember we fought and we bled.? Is payment enough, and with that we will trust, ? That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.”?? PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let’s try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us. LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN 30th Naval Construction Regiment OIC, Logistics Cell One Al Taqqadum, Iraq

– ?Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.?George Washington

Category(s): Patriotic, Religious/Spritual

07 NovFW: Feng Shui

No Comments »

For the post below, I received the following image from one of my friends:

FU

FU

Hope you enjoy it too!

Danlar

———————————————————–

Feng Shui

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have
received. Hope it works for you — and me!

Lotus Touts: You have 6 minutes

There’s some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you’re not
superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from
the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten
times so far.

Do not keep this message..

The Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will
get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not
superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you
want.
FOUR. When you say, ‘I love you,’ mean it.

FIVE. When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams
don’t have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only
way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer,
smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great
risk.

FIFTEEN. Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others;
and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps
to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your
voice

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

Now, here’s the FUN part!

Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve.

1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.

5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking..

9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks

15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever
dreamed of will begin to take shape.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart. Do not keep this message.

Category(s): Chain Letters, Religious/Spritual

06 NovFWD: Really Worth Reading

No Comments »

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:18 PM?

Subject: Really Worth Reading

Matching wits… ??A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep.

?The Programmer persists and explains that it’s an easy game: “I ask a question and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. ?Then you ask a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.” Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

?The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “O.K., if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don’t know the answer I pay you $50!” That gets the Engineer’s attention, and he agrees.

?The Programmer asks the first question, “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” Without saying a word, the Engineer hands the Programmer $5, and then asks, “What goes up a hill on three legs and comes down on four?”

?The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour, wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50, turns away, and tries to get back to sleep. ?The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, “Well what’s the answer to your question?” Without a word, the Engineer hands $5 to the Programmer, and goes back to sleep.

Category(s): Humor, Riddles/Puzzles
« Older Entries